Hilltoppers-AFG Alateen Area

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     Discipline     Sponsor/Alateen Relationship     Personal Life     Alateen Problem Solving     Violence
     Sponsorship Favoritism     Parent/Sponsor Relationship     Parent Questions     Resentments     Meeting Attendance

Alateen Sponsors     Top of Page

Alateen Sponsors are responsible, adult Al-Anon members who share thier experience in iving with the disease of alcoholism, their strength gained from the Twelve-Step recovery program, their knowledge of the Twelve Traditions, and their hope for the future.

Many Alateen Sponsors often ask similar questions. These questions reflect the concerns they have as a result of working with teens. We asked other Sponsors to answer by sharing their thinking and experiences.

The thoughts that stood out were: Al-Anon members cannot give away a program that they do not have; therefore, a Sponsor's regular attendance at Al-Anon meetings is imperative. Additionally, Sponsors are not expected to become surrogate parents, neither should they act as counselors. Another pitfall to avoid is acting as a teen in order to relate, although Sponsors may relfect back to their youth to share experiences.

This article is not a collection of rules. It is a gathering of experiences that have worked for many. It is a guide. It encourages each Al-Anon member to develop as an Alateen Sponsor, finding new methods of handling situations as they arise, while using the Twelve Traditions as the guiding force along the way.

Group Relationship     Top of Page

1. How involved may a Sponsor become in the actual functioning of the group?

2. When the Alateen group has just started, the Sponsro can help guide the group in many areas such as finding a meeting place, writing to the World Service Office for a starter registration packet, assisting in the election of officers and selecting topics for discussion. When officers are elected, the responsibility for running the meeting, ordering literature, etc., lies with the Alateen group itself.

   When an established group experiences difficulties, the Sponsor may step in, but must "let go" as soon as the groups shows its ability to carry out its responsibilities. A Sponsor gives continuoous guidance, offeing knowledge of the Traditions, and directing the group to our Al-Anon/Alateen service manuals and literature, where answers to questions and concerns may be found. A balance between guidance without dominance is critical.

   A group conscience meeting is a good way to determine exactly what the Alateen group expects from the Sponsor and what the Sponsor may expect from the group.

   Additional Readings
   Organizing an Alateen Group (G-19)
   A Guide for Sponsors of Alateen Groups (P-29)
   Operation Alateen (P-30)
   Group Inventory Sheet (S-3)
   Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18)
   Service Manuals
   Al-Anon and Alateen Groups at Work (P-24)
   Digest of Al-Anon and Alateen Policies (P-25)
   Twelve Concepts of Service (P-26)
   World Service Handbook (P-27)

3. Just how much is the Sponsor expected to participate at the meetings?     Top of Page

4. Alateen members themselves help each other by sharing their experience, strength, hopw, and encouragement. A Sponsor may take part in these discussions, suggesting the positive use of the program, sharing his/her experience on the topic, always being careful, however, not to monopolize the meeting. The Sponsor needs to be sensitive to the Alateen members -- to know when to be quiet and when to share, and to encourage full participation of all members of the group.

   The Alateen meeting does not replace an Al-Anon meeting. The Sponsor should continue to be an active and regular participant in Al-Anon

   Additional Readings
   Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18)
   Facts About Alateen (P-41)

5. What can the Sponsor do when the Alateens are not using the program to help solve the group's problems?     Top of Page

6. After saying the Serenity Prayer, the Sponsor may honestly share his/her experiences with the Alateens about the situation. Follow tis with a suggestion that the program tools can help, e.g., the Traditions, a group inventory, a group discussion and finally a group conscience vote thereby encouraging the members to address and discuss the issue.

   Alateen members, like the Sponsor, may also call the group's attention to a break in the group unity. They may show the Alateen group where answers to group problems can be found in the Traditions by using the literature. A brief, regularly-scheduled group conscience meeting can help prevent problems from building up.

   Additional Readings
   Service manuals, especially the Digest of Al-Anon and Alateen Policies (P-25)
   Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18)
   A Guide for Sponsors of Alateen Groups (P-29)
   Also, Al-Anon hardcovered Books:
   ALATEEN, HOPE FOR CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS (B-3)
   AL-ANON'S TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS (B-8)

7. Is the Sponsor expected to be a disciplinarian?     Top of Page

8. Alateens usually solve behavioral problems themselves with a group inventory, whoch has proven to be an effective tool in developing group unity. Our young people often have problems to begin with, therefore, may not behave just right in every situation. At the same time, the Sponsor and other Alateen members need not accept unacceptable behavior such as swearing, rudeness, unnecessary noise, members being drunk or high, etc. This sort of behavior is also unacceptable at an Alateen or Al-Anon convention or any event where an individual's behaviou could reflect on Alateen as a whole. The Sponsor or group may discuss the behavior with the individual and if the disruptive member insists on continuing with this behavior, the group or Sponsor may ask him/her to leave, encouraging the member to return when open to or ready for our recovery program.

   When a situation arises and the welfare of the group is endangered, the Sponsor is responsible for the group and may need to take action. This sort of action only takes plaace when the group itself is unable to carry out this responsibility.

   Additional Readings
   Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18)
   ALATEEN, HOPE FOR CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS (Al-Anon hardcovered book, B-3)

Sponsor/Alateen Relationship     Top of Page

1. Should a Sponsor be available to the Alateens before and after meetings?

2. It may be possible to establish a particular time for private discussions before and after meetings. In this way, a pattern develops and a sense of security is found in the knowledge of a Sponsor's availability.

   Most people need to share their feelings, to unburden themselves. Alateens should be eocouraged to share with each other. Occasionally, however, some need to to go the Sponsrs for this sharing becaues they feel that he/she has had more experience. Listening and being on hand to listen will help Alateens develop trust.

   In Sponsorship, there is much give and take. Communication between Sponsors and Alateens not only helps the Alateens, it permits the Sponsor to share his/her own way of using the program. It's important for a Sponsor to be available, giving as much time as possible without resenting it.

   Additional Readings
   Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18)
   What is Expected of an Alateen Sponsor? (G-17)
   Sponsorship, What It's All About (P-31)

3. How involved can a Sponsor become in the personal life of the individual Alateen?     Top of Page

4. A Sponsor's role is best served by not becoming involved emotionally with any individual Alateen member. Such a relationship would be detrimental to the group as a whole, and could jepoardize the Sponsor's position with the other Alateen members.

   Detachment from individual members, balanced by love and compassion for the whole group, allows the individual Al-Anon member to serve well as an Alateen Sponsor.

   Additional Readings
   Sponsorship, What It's All About (P-31)
   Alcoholism, The Family Disease (P-4)
   Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18)
   ALATEEN, HOPE FOR CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS (Al-Anon hardcovered book, B-3)

5. What does the Sponsor do when the Alateens are not using the program to help solve their personal problems?     Top of Page

6. Encourage them to talk with other members of the group who are in similar situations. Talking with others their own age and seeing how they have approached the same situation has a better effect than an adult trying to tell them what to do.

   As with anyone in the program we allow him/her to go on hurting as long as one must, being available to listen and offer Al-Anon experiences. Teens sometimes have a different conception of what working the program means and they have a right to their own feelings and opinions.

   Additional Readings
   ALATEEN TALK
   The FORUM (Al-Anon's monthly magazine)
   Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18)
   Al-Anon hardcovered books:
   ONE DAY AT A TIME IN AL-ANON (B-6)
   ALATEEN, HOPE FOR CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS (B-3)
   AL-ANON'S TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS (B-8)

7. What can a Sponsor do when he learns an Alateen member is living with physical violence?     Top of Page

8. A sponsor can suggest a meeting on coping with violence. In this way, the group meeting is directed toward the specific problem and other members can share their experience, strength and hope in coping with similar situations. In this sharing, the young person can learn physical violence is unacceptable, and no individual need be subjected to brutality; an individual can seek help from school counselors, social service agencies, police, and the courts. As a sponsor, however, be careful to limit your part in the discussion to your own experiences and not give specific advice. Remember, you are only hearing one side of the story.

   Additional Readings
   Living With Sobriety (P-49, page 22)
   Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18)
   What is Expected of an Alateen Sponsor (G-17)
   The FORUM (Al-Anon's monthly magazine)
   ONE DAY AT A TIME IN AL-ANON (B-6)
   ALATEEN, HOPE FOR CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS (B-3)

9. Why isn't it a good idea for a sponsor to have a "favorite" in the group?     Top of Page

10. He/she would be putting personalities above principles. If all the time is consumed in helping just one Alateen, isn't this an injustice to the rest? It is an important time of life for Alateens -- a period of growth. They should be encouraged to stand on their own feet and learn to trust others their own age.

    An Alateen shouldn't become too dependent on any one person. What would happen if that person wasn't available for some reason? Alateen's purpose is to help children of alcoholics by having them share their experience, strength, and hope with each other. "Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity."

    Additional Readings
    Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18)

Parent/Sponsor Relationship     Top of Page

1. Should a Sponsor talk with the parents of a member, warning that their teenager is heading for "real trouble"?

2. The Sponsor has the responsibility to safeguard the confidential discussions of the meeting -- "Everything that is said here, in the group meeting and member-to-member, must be held in confidence. Only in this way can we feel free to say what is in our munds and hearts, for this is how we help one another in Alateen."

   A Sponsor may discuss behavior directly with the teenager, sharing his own experience and recovery.

3. What can a Sponsor do when a parent asks questions about what or how his child is doing?     Top of Page

4. It is very important for an Alateen to know he can trust his Sponsor. He should be secure in the knowledge that whatever he says at the meetings or shares with the Sponsor will be held in confidence.

   Sharing personal progress is a right reserved to each individual member; therefore, if the parent persists in asking questions, the Sponsor may refer him/her back to the child in question.

   Additional Readings
   Al-Anon and Alateen Groups at Work (P-24)
   Alcololism, The Family Disease (P-4, "Live and Let Live")
   Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for Alateen (P-18)
   A Guide for Sponsors of Alateen Groups (P-29)
   "How Can I Help My Children?" Asks an Al-Anon Member (P-9)

5. How can Sponsors deal with the resentments parents may have toward them because of the relationship that Alateens build out of mutual respect?     Top of Page

6. Sponsors spend only a few hours a week with the teenagers and make few, if any, demands on them. They listen, share their own program but do not have the responsibility nor the emotional involvement of a parent. Their circumstances promote open and free communication which may not yet exist at home. If approached by a parent, the Sponsor can explain this unique situation. It may also be explained that many times the openness and sharing of feelings based on discussions of the Stpen, slogans and Traditions can help imporve attitudes within the family. It just takes time!

   Additional Readings
   "How Can I Help My Children?" Asks an Al-Anon Member (P-9)
   Sponsors can suggest parents attend open Alateen meetings.

7. Attendance     Top of Page

8. A) How should a Sponsor answer when a parent believes his/her child is at an Alateen meeting when he/she is not?

   This is another situation where Sponsors should let the group know just how they feel about the Alateens' attendance at meetings. They should also stress that the suffounding space outside the building is not part of the meeting room. The Sponsor should also let the group know that if approached by a parent about attendance, they will direct the parent back to each member. However, if asked outright about attendance, a Sponsor does not have to lie. Covering up for attendance is not a part of the confidentiality which each active member is entitled to.

   B)What can a Sponsor do if Alateens lie to their parents about their whereabouts when the parents won't allow them to attend Alateen?

   Parents may object to their children attending Alateen meetings because they may lack knowledge about it. One solution could be for the Alateens to have an open meegint so they may invite their parents. In this way, the parents can see what Alateen is and does. Having Al-Anon/Alateen literature on display at these meetings can be extremely helpful. Alateens should be encouraged to look for opportunities to tell their parents the truth, but this is the Alateen members' own decision.

   Additional Readings
   Operation Alateen (P-30)
   Youth and the Alcoholic Parent (P-21)
   "How Can I Help My Children?" Asks an Al-Anon Member (P-9)

Alateen sponsorship can have many ups and downs. Often it brings frustrations; more often it brings joy. Sponsors tell us most of all, Sponsorship is a wonderful experience filled with love, caring and sharing.

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